nick
Dear fucking everyone: If you've lived in the area more than half a year, don't IM me every time your house shakes.
| FIRSTQUAKE! |
| Bit the sticker on an apple, swallowed with NO ILL EFFECTS I AM SUPERMAN |
| Photoshopping a naked ballgagged Owen Thomas for my private files |
| Things I didn't want to hear from someone sitting on my bed: "Nature's prepared me to reproduce." |
| Dear bag of dried plantains: If I wanted to eat salt-covered cardboard, I would have gotten Pringles. |
| Every time I hear "Kid Nation," I think "Kid Rock." The conclusion is obvious. CBS, you can thank me later with a 5% cut of Rock's pay. |
| If I don't get a column in the Chron, I hereby promise to move to New York City. |
| Can someone introduce me to Drew Curtis on e-mail? I want to pitch a blog idea. |
| Thanks Twitter, for making boring people say stuff on the Internet instead of trying to tell me their boring news. |
| Iiiiii like Chinese! Who's up for some noodles? Call me. |
| Utter cock idea of the night: Twitter for homeless. "There's an unguarded construction site w/roof at 14th and Guerrero." (Dear homeless ... ... |
| OMG Andy's singing "Take a Chance on Me" on The Office with vocal accompaniment on two office lines. Even I want to take that chance w/him. |
| The Office? One of the best shows I've ever seen. The Office after a White Russian? THERE AREN'T CHARACTERS ON THIS KEYBOARD FOR IT WAAAATCH |
| All catchphrases (other than Arrested Development ones) will be countered with a "Suck it, Trebek." |
| My favorite Klingon porn site from my teen years is gone. |
| Help the Hype Machine with their tacky publicity stunt: they won't launch v. 2 until 10k people are on at once. http://hypem.com/new |
| It's also the birthday of Virgil, P.G. Wodehouse, and Italo Calvino. So give up on NaNoWriMo now. |
| It's Nietzsche's birthday! Exercise your will to power today. |
| Oh, I get it, a Brandy Alexander is a cocktail that "goes down easy." Once again Wikipedia makes a song more comprehensible. |